Reinventing Your Life by Jeffrey E. Young & Janet S. Klosko & Aaron T. Beck

Author:Jeffrey E. Young & Janet S. Klosko & Aaron T. Beck
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Penguin Publishing Group
Published: 1994-05-01T04:00:00+00:00

When you try things on your own, you will have the urge to seek reassurance that your approach is right. Seeking reassurance is like a drug for you—it tranquilizes your anxiety about functioning alone. You need to withdraw from this drug. You need to tolerate the anxiety of functioning alone. The anxiety will pass. Have faith—there will come a time when you will function alone with minimal anxiety.

10. Take On New Challenges and Responsibilities at Work, but Do It Gradually. Expand your skills at work systematically. Do not set yourself up to fail—do not take on too much at once. Stay in control of the process of your growth.

You can use an approach like the one we described above, which Margaret used to overcome her fears. Make a list of the responsibilities at work that you have been avoiding. Include both solitary tasks and interpersonally oriented items, ranging from easy to difficult. Rate the difficulty of each task on a 0 to 8 scale, with 0 being not at all difficult, and 8 being as difficult as you can imagine. Start with the tasks you rated lowest. Do these tasks again and again until you are comfortable with that level of difficulty. Attain a sense of mastery before you move to higher items on the list.

If you find that you cannot complete even the items you rated lowest, it is because even the lowest items are too hard. Come up with easier items. We have found that even the most dependent people can come up with some items they feel they can complete easily.

11. If You Are Counterdependent, Acknowledge Your Need for Guidance. Ask Others for Help. Do Not Take On More Challenges Than You Can Handle. Use Your Anxiety Level as a Gauge of How Much You Are Comfortable Taking On. There is a saying in psychotherapy: “It is the relationship that heals.” With Christine, this seemed to be the case. Our relationship helped heal her. We became the first people from whom she accepted help. She allowed herself to be vulnerable with us. She shared the part of herself that is weak and uncertain, the damaged and overtaxed child within. This made her extremely anxious at first. But after assessing that she could trust us, she took a risk and made herself dependent. We nurtured and supported that healthy, dependent part of her, and Christine learned to nurture that part of herself with imagery exercises.

THERAPIST: What image do you see?

CHRISTINE: I see myself as a child, maybe eight years old. I’m in my living room. My mother is lying on the couch, half passed out watching soaps. I’m trying to iron the clothes I’m wearing to school because one of the kids made fun of me because my clothes were wrinkled.

THERAPIST: I want you to bring yourself into the image as an adult and intercede to help that child.

CHRISTINE: That’s hard for me to do. I don’t know what to say. I guess I would say, “Here, I’ll show you how to iron, it’s not so hard.

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